why well-being?

for me it helps me get the things I want out of life, and enjoy everything while I’m doing so. It also helps me make a difference to other peoples lives too.

but what is well-being?

everyone will have different definitions. For me it’s not about constantly glowing with joy (although that can be a nice consequence) but more about feeling that you can and will overcome or at least live with hard challenges (which can feel insurmountable).
Its not about being in tip top condition all the time, more about just a consistent low level approach that keeps the worst at bay. By worst I mean feeling absolutely terrible, without it being a consequence of bereavement or some other really difficult ongoing challenge like being persecuted for who you are. (If so reach out or I hope you have the support you need and deserve).
So the goal is to take small simple achievable steps to help yourself lead a fulfilling life.

one more thing

sometimes people can feel like they’re fine and others are broken or need fixing. But it’s not about that. We all can benefit from regular ongoing maintenance, just like feeding your cat, growing plants, cleaning the bathroom. It doesn’t take much, mostly things take care of themselves by doing a little bit at a time.

how

a long time ago I saw a post on reddit that listed five things to check on when you’re feeling a bit nihilistic - without doing anything else if one or more of these has been neglected it usually fixes the problem. I have no idea where to find that post so I’ll list them here. It’s a great foundation for day-to-day living for anyone too.

1. eating healthily. For me that means plenty of fresh fruit and veg, beans, pulses and wholegrains. Organic is great too. I fail at the fruit and veg part a lot, but I keep trying. Apples are great. Dates are a nice treat. Pistachios, mmmmm.

2. sleep. A tough one for a lot of people, I’ve had to put a lot of work into this in recent years. But it makes so much of a difference to energy levels, memory and concentration. set regular bedtimes, devices like phones off, relax your facial muscles when your head hits the pillow, keep bedroom for sleeping but not general chilling if possible.

3. nature. Walking, picnics, parks, countryside trips, camping, cycling, do what you can. touch grass. I fail at this a lot but it makes a big difference.

4. socialise. Talk to or spend time with strangers, old-friends, neighbours. just a smile and hello is a great start. don’t feel like you have to entertain. Work on those firm boundaries. Just chilling in the same room without talking is enough. Be permissive in what you accept, stricter in how you treat others. Alone time is fine and healthy. Balance.

5. exercise. Get that heart racing at least once a week by: brisk walking (up staircases is great), skipping, cycling, dancing, tennis (lots of free courts in parks, helps with #4), the gym (especially classes). Really helps with #2

in fact, all of those things help with each other.

other things

• take small baby steps. Apply the 3% rule. Chip away bit by bit.
• practice radical patience. This was a huge breakthrough for me.
• be kind to yourself.
• treat yourself (in healthy ways)
• drink, cigarettes, drugs all just make you feel worse really. Cut down or cut out.
• let things slide if you need to, don’t feel bad about that, you can come back to it.
• music is great, set aside time to listen and feel. And dance too, as much as you can.
• avoid consuming any kind of news media. No really. People will tell you if something dramatic has happened. This isn’t ignorance, you can increase your understanding of world affairs by other means if you wish. Get local.

if someone is upset

just listen. Ask if there is anything you can do.Lead by example. Don’t tell people what to do. Don’t complain. Get things wrong, that’s okay too.

emotions

always express emotions. Otherwise they will find a way to express themselves that can be damaging and won’t help others know what is going on.
know who and how you can express to.
write it down. This really helps process things.
be like a parent to your inner child. What do they need? Not always what they want. Build a relationship with your emotions where you listen and care and hold space.
be careful about what you are thinking about feelings and how you are feeling about thoughts. If you find yourself going round in circles you will need to start reducing that (took me years but really helps).

a nice shift for me was to focus on being rather than doing.

lilypads

sometimes in fact nearly all the time, no one person can be everything. Have little things from different people. I call this lilypads. One lilypad will collapse under your weight, but stepping lightly and transiently and you won’t sink.

this is all quite gooey stuff

so what. let’s be happy and healthy, it will help us get what we want and help us love each other and ourselves and help stop people doing bad things.

comments and feedback very much welcome

anyone can contact me about anything by email or mastodon.

a lot of this is what works well for me, you will find other things.

you’re not depressed, never have been? That’s really great, all these things still apply to you and you can still be there for others.